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Working closely together to break habits and form new ones, to set goals, embrace your true authentic self and love yourself anyway. Through goal setting, empowerment, deep diving and mindset power tools, we will use our time to change your life for the better.

"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional". When I read this quote by John C. Maxwell, it sparked deep emotions as I have been thinking a lot about change recently. How difficult change is to navigate, how it is an inevitable part of life and is something that we all must face, whether we like it or not. A lot of us are creatures of habit, we love our routines and even if we become miserable, sometimes misery is less frightening than change! Change can be our intentional choices or just life throwing unavoidable curve balls our way. Some changes are small and insignificant, while others are major and life-altering. But, no matter the size or scope of the change, it is important to remember that your growth, mindset and attitude is always optional. My life has come with a lot of change, a lot of it due to my goals and aspirations in my sport. When I started high school, I was miserable. I was in a middle and high school that I struggled in but my parents could not afford the private school options. I had 3 years in high school, where I worked hard and did everything I could to get a scholarship to my top private school of choice. While this was an amazing opportunity, it also meant switching high schools at the start of grade 11, which was terrifying. I very quickly became used to being the new girl. This "new girl" era would last another 15 years, as I headed to the USA to play in new teams, followed by Australia and then back to South Africa, for a stint, before moving back to the USA! These big moves, being the new girl and being out my comfort zone came with so many opportunities for growth. I had to put myself out there, invite myself to dinners, ask what people were doing and force my way into friendships. It often takes just a few tries of vulnerable courage to make significant growth. I was lonely, really lonely. I often and still do pine for my long term friendships and family that are scattered all over the world, and it is very easy to become internal, stay home and rather wallow in self pity than take action. Moving and making new friends as an adult has proved harder than I ever imagined but if I sit at home waiting for people to contact me or invite me places, I might be sitting here forever. Change is hard, it is a constant work in progress which requires consistent learning, vulnerability and being willing to put yourself out there. Some change is completely out of our control. I will never forget the day I sat in the doctors room and heard them tell us that my healthy, young mom had cancer, and within 48 hours would go in for major surgery, which would result in her losing her voice as we knew it. The two years that followed that surgery incorporated bucket loads of change, not changes I ever thought would come my way at 28 years young, and not the type of growth I hoped I would need for many years to come. Losing a mother a week before my 30th birthday was earth shattering and ground breaking change. While it came with trauma and some very hard times, it also came with so many opportunities for growth.... if I wanted them! It would have been very easy to become bitter, angry and resentful towards life, God, doctors, family and friends... because after all it just wasn't fair! The reality is, life is not fair! I always get to choose how my circumstances can affect me. I got to choose how emotions effected me. I got to choose how I handled my grief. I got to choose to lean on family and friends or isolate. I got to choose to get help from a grief counsellor. I got to choose if I would allow the sadness, bitterness and resentment of the situation to eat me up from the inside. Now let's be honest, there were days I did not get out bed, days I questioned if God existed and if so, why would he do this to my mother, days I felt angry, and days I didn't care about growth. Those days were important for healing, grieving and acceptance but those days did not turn to weeks, months and then years, only because I chose not to let them. The choice for growth, the choice for happiness, the choice for understanding and the choice for peace, those were all just as I stated, choices! Growth is something that we choose to pursue. It is a conscious decision that we make to become better versions of ourselves. It is the process of taking the changes that come our way and using them to improve ourselves and our lives. Without growth, change can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. Growth cannot always be done alone. There is so much power in the collective, in the power of people, and the influence that others can have on us in times of change. SEEKING HELP IS A POWER MOVE Sometimes navigating change can be so overwhelming and feels impossible to do alone. We often view professional help as a sign of weakness, yet it can be the biggest sign of strength. Knowing you need others for support and guidance is a power move of control over your own life. About a month or two before my mom passed away, I started having awful nightmares. They were always different variations of her death and I would wake up in pure hysterics. The dreams felt so real and I would be sobbing from my gut and could not stop the crying for hours. It started happening so frequently that I decided to go and see a grief counsellor. Her help and guidance was transformational in those few months leading up to my moms death and the months that followed. Without her, I would have been a mess and I don't believe I would have had the coping tools necessary to navigate the change and heartache that ensued. Leaning on others in times of change or uncertainty, gives us strength in numbers. You do not need to suffer or battle life and its challenges alone! CHANGE IS AS GOOD AS A REST I love this proverb. This is the idea that a change in your life, profession or relationships can be as good as a rest or a holiday. Sometimes we get stuck and believe that being stuck is better than starting over or changing direction. Fear can often stand in the way of making necessary changes in our lives. I recently needed a reset in my life, a change in my job and path. I decided to stop working but had no plan on "what next". It is terrifying to stop a job and its income without a plan, but I knew it was necessary and had to trust that I would figure it out. Fast forward 3 months of consistent job searching, interviews and knowing I needed something with purpose, I am now working for the most inspirational company who's mission is to develop leadership in woman. My courage to step into the very scary unknown, led me to a place I feel deep passion and purpose. A change that was so necessary but scary, resulted in an amazing new opportunity that provides so much growth for me. It is never too late and you are never too stuck to make changes that could be as good as a holiday for you. As life continues to move forward, changes will continue to occur. While growth is not automatic and takes effort and intention to turn change into an opportunity for growth, it is possible. There is always possibility for growth, opportunity for self reflection and the reminder that choices can makes it that much easier to tackle change with positivity... and maybe even a little bit of excitement! Until next time! Toodeloo!

I am so grateful to my mom. The best way to start a blog, is with that sentence. With my mother, Dee Harris, no longer with us in this world, let me paint a picture for those of you who didn't have the privilege of knowing her. My mom stood 6 feet tall and was the wisest woman I have ever met. She wrote 6 books based off of Proverbs in the bible, titled "wisdom for daily living". She imparted so much wisdom into my life, which I will be forever grateful for. My mom was confident, often called intimidating, she spoke her mind and did it with such grace and kindness. She instilled so much confidence in me to be exactly who I was and to never let anyone ever dim my light. She told me from a very young age that my personality and confidence would not sit well with everyone and that there would be people that wouldn't like me because of it, but that my closest friends would be more loyal than brothers. She motivated and inspired me to seek truth, to always fight for what is right and that nothing in life is more important than my values. I watched her on multiple occasions being shut down or pushed aside because she was a woman. A man in a sermon once said; "women do not belong behind a pulpit but next to a mans side", my mom stood up and marched us all out of that hall. She was strong, independent, loyal and courageous. She encouraged me to be bigger, aim higher, speak out and fight for what is right. So let me repeat my opening line: I am so grateful to my mom. As a strong, confident and very self assured woman, I saw very early on in life how much I intimidated insecure coaches, teachers and leaders. There is a huge difference between arrogance and confidence. Over inflated ego's don't serve you, confidence does. If you are confident in yourself and who you are, you do not feel the need to be threatened by someone else who is shining their light. As a female athlete, during my entire career, I had one female coach. ONE! My sport was, and still is dominated by males, not only in the coaching world, but in the leadership and federations both domestically and internationally. I very quickly realized that there was a "boys club" that was tight, very well protected and not about to change anytime soon. Challenging the "boys club" has always been something I have not been afraid to do, even if it meant costing me my place in teams or in big coaching positions. It is easy to say you will stand up to the system or for injustice but when it actually comes down to doing something, most people will hide. "It is someone else's battle to fight". "Nothing I ever do will make a difference anyway". "Let me just stay in my comfortable bubble and pretend none of this is happening". It takes so much courage and bravery to stand up to the system. I lived this a few years back when I challenged Swimming South Africa after dismissing me from the National Team coaching role because of how I challenged them, stood up to them and asked the hard questions. I saw the injustices, corruption and "boys club" at work and I refused to be a puppet in their system. I have spoken quite openly about my struggles and challenges within that organization as a player and a coach, but I haven't really spoken much about the protection within the federation towards the men and coaches. There are still coaches in the system that have had inappropriate relations with minors, where parents and individuals have spoken out and the "boys club" have swept it under the rug. There is still a coach in the system that sexually manipulated me at 16 years old, was a school coach displaying inappropriate behavior with school girls many years later, and is still in the system. It took me until just a few years ago to re-live those moments and actually see them for what they were. I never spoke out about it at the time because it was actually very normal for 25 year old coaches and men's players to be preying on the school girls. Not until I spoke through the situation in detail more recently, did reality sink in that I was a minor, should never have been in that position, have a man do what he did to me, or have to forcefully say no to a grown male in a powerful position. Thinking back on those times, it could have been so much worse for me if I did not have the mom I had, as well as her intuition. Being strong willed, I was able to forcefully say no and when the man continued pursuing me, I ended up opening up to my mom about what was happening and she intervened. When this man could not get what he really wanted from me, he moved on to his next victim. While I was semi-fortunate enough in this situation with this man, other young girls were not so fortunate. Instances like this, issues like this, are not ones I will ever stop speaking about or challenging, no matter how many enemies I make. I decided to move away from the sports world and into the corporate world. A world I have loved being in, learning and growing so much while thoroughly enjoying the fast paced environment. A world where I see myself fitting in and making a difference, while continually learning and growing. While I found my passion and voice in the corporate world, I also saw that it doesn't matter if you are in the sporting world or corporate world, being a strong female can be very intimidating to men in leadership, regardless of what sector you are in. I have experienced two types of men in the corporate world. The first is a leader I have always dreamed of having. A strong, genius of a businessman, who is kind, empathetic, extremely successful but understands that his success comes from empowering other people around him. The leader who is firm but supportive and encourages strong women to be even stronger because he sees her worth and value. I am so blessed I got to experience this type of male leadership and learn from it. I watched how he dealt with conflict, meetings, the work place and tough times. I tried to be a sponge and learn as much as I could. I was challenged, empowered and my thoughts and ideas always heard, even if they resulted in nothing. A leader who was confident in who he was and where his strengths lay, while empowering others to use their unique strengths in a united way, towards a strategy to achieve greatness, TOGETHER. It is so refreshing to see a male leader empowered and inspired by strong woman - who willed them on to be even bigger versions of themselves and reach an even higher potential. The bar has been set super high for what a leader should look like, male or female, and it has allowed me to have a standard that I would not want to steer from in future roles, jobs and leadership. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to experience this type of leadership. I have also encountered the other side of male leadership. The one who was immediately threatened by me, my rise in a company, my loud voice and "like-ability" I started gaining within my role. Very quickly the subtle bullying began. It was so subtle to start, that I started questioning if I was the problem, which is always a good thing to do - where is the common denominator? Am I the problem? Are there things I could work on? I did work on lots of things but the bullying and passive aggressiveness did not stop. To be honest, it probably would have stopped if I had succumbed to it, been passive or wanted to fade away into the background. Being who I am, I spoke out but nothing came from it. For the first time in my life, I started struggling with panic attacks, severe anxiety and needed to seek professional help. The passive aggressive behavior towards me was not going away, so I somehow had to learn to deal with it, while still staying true to myself, yet not allowing it to destroy me. My anxiety was so bad that I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night to check my messages and emails and could not go back to sleep. It became debilitating and I realized that this could only have power over me if I continued to allow it. I needed to use professional help and tools to protect myself and take back the power. So often during these times, I have had my moms voice in my head, reminding me to stay strong, to apologize when necessary, continue to learn and grow but not be intimidated. Navigating that period was extremely difficult. I made lots of mistakes, sought out tools to help me cope and for the first time, truly understood and experienced panic attacks and anxiety. While this was such a challenging period, I also learnt so much about myself, the power of a therapist as well as the power of oneself. While it seems strange to say, I am also so grateful I had the opportunity to experience this type of leadership and what it taught and showed me. I don't hate men and my mission is not to take them down BUT we are fools if we think that women are not treated differently in the work place just because of their gender. Gender inequality in the work place is evident. As a strong number 8 on the enneagram, I am bound to be a person that addresses this, speaks about it as well as my experiences. I want to challenge leaders and people to do better, to be better, all while trying to do and be better myself. Here are some of my top take-aways from being a women in a mans world. YOUR VOICE IS POWERFUL AND STRONG, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO USE IT You do not need to be silenced or a smaller version of yourself to be successful. If there are wrongdoings happening, you may have to speak out MANY times and it still may result in ZERO change. Stay true to your values and morals, even though it may feel like a lonely journey a lot of the time. WHEN YOU FIND A POWERFUL AND INSPIRING LEADER, BECOME A SPONGE Learn as much as you can from powerful and inspiring leaders. Ask them questions, try and be mentored by them and do not be afraid to give your thoughts and opinions. View how they strategize, deal with conflict and handle difficult situations. Ask for feedback and be open to constructive criticism, knowing that you cannot grow without making mistakes and learning from them. Take what you learn from these leaders and start adding parts of it to your everyday life as well as your leadership style. WHEN YOU ARE WRONG, OWN IT There is so much power in saying sorry. When you are wrong, own it! You can only control YOUR actions and apologizing is something you have power over. You cannot force someone to accept the apology, but once you apologize and truly mean it, move on. You are bound to make mistakes, they are pivotal for growth but make mistakes with grace, learn from them and move forward. Vulnerability has so much power and is not a weakness. Do not shy away from being vulnerable but be wise with who you trust and share your heart with. DO NOT VIEW SEEKING HELP AS WEAKNESS Anxiety, depression, bullying and tough times are very real issues in the workplace and sometimes you can feel so lonely in your journey. Seeking help is not weakness - it takes so much strength to understand when you need some help and guidance to take back your power and remain in a positive mental state. BE THE BIGGEST, BOLDEST AND STRONGEST VERSION OF YOURSELF, KNOWING YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND WILL MAKE MISTAKES BUT CAN OWN IT, LEARN AND MOVE FORWARD, ALL THE WHILE HAVING A LEARNING HEART. Let me end this blog how I started it: I am so grateful to my mom. I am so grateful that her upbringing of me still encourages me to write blogs like this, to talk about the hard topics, to speak out when things aren't right and to be honest even when you stand alone. I am grateful to be a strong woman and grateful that others have sacrificed so that I can be where I am today. I am grateful for all the individuals that have and continue to sow positively into my life and hope that through my truth, I am positively sowing into others. Until next time! Toodeloo!

When you fall pregnant, you are told all about what baby items you need, what birth courses you should take and are informed of all things "preparing for baby to arrive". What you are not informed of or prepared for, is the postpartum journey. I found myself dealing with things I did not even know happened, that none of my friends who had babies had spoken about, or I even thought to ask, and I was completely blindsided by the postpartum recovery and 4th trimester. If you read my birth story, you would know that I had a very fast induced labour that resulted in Kaia not breathing when she was born and me tearing quite badly. I had heard about tearing and knew that was something I should expect but I expected the healing to be straightforward and to be getting back into exercise and my normal routine by my 6 week check up. That did not happen... Instead, at my 6 week check in, I had to be injected, cut open and re-stitched as my healing wasn't going to plan. I was back at square one at 6 weeks postpartum and told to come back at 8 weeks. At my 8 week check in, I still had not fully healed and had silver nitrate administered and told to come back at 10 weeks. At my 10 week check in, I had one more round of silver nitrate and was told that by 12 weeks I would be fully healed and cleared to finally start light exercise and other normal activities. I went into a dark space during these 12 weeks. I was blessed enough to not have postpartum depression or "baby blues" but instead I became quite depressed with my recovery. I was so sure I would be back to "normal" at 6 weeks, that when I went back to square one and then had another 6 weeks of recovery, it really took its toll on me. I picked up a lot of weight in these 12 weeks. I was eating my feelings and unable to even walk without pain. I got into quite a funk, all the while being in quite a lot of pain. My recovery was so hard on me that I have quite a lot of post traumatic stress heading into my second birth. Not about the birth, but about tearing and what my postpartum recovery may be. I am terrified of going through those 12 weeks again. I know that this is not your average women's recovery and I am hopeful for a different recovery with baby number two. Another aspect of postpartum that is not spoken about nearly enough, is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is painted as this very natural and "comes easy" part of motherhood. Hardly anyone speaks about how brutal it can actually be, and how it can be the furthest thing from natural. I think that more women don't speak about it because it is made out to be this natural and simple task that is actually so complex. You almost feel like a failure when it is so hard or you can't get it right. It can be quite a lonely journey. There are so many ways to feed your baby and I was aware of all the options but I was desperate to breastfeed. It is just something I really wanted to do, so I tried to do as much research as possible, as well as make sure I had access to lactation consultants post birth. A lot of books or people talk about once the baby is placed on your chest, they will start nuzzling to find your breast and latch on. That was not the case at all for me! Kaia was not very interested in latching or drinking and the first five days of her being alive were so stressful. As a new mom, you are so worried about your baby gaining weight and getting enough nutrition, so them not drinking or latching becomes a mental battle. I tried every position possible to get her latched. When it would get closer to feeding time, I would start panicking and stressing about what was to come. Kaia was so hungry, I had SO much milk and we could not figure out the latch or position. It became a bit traumatic for me. Thank goodness my sister was with me for my first 10 days postpartum. Having had four children of her own, she assured me that this was normal, kept me calm and reassured me that it was just a dance and took time to figure out the steps. If it were not for her, I think I would have given up on day 3. By night 5, we had a breakthrough. Kaia finally latched and started guzzling down milk and that night she woke almost every hour to cluster feed and make up for lost time :) I was so exhausted, my nipples were raw but I was so grateful that we had our breakthrough and found the rhythm to our own dance. That rhythm grew to the most beautiful journey of 17 months of breastfeeding. Those moments feeding her are ones I will forever cherish but it was HARD to get there. So much harder than I imagined it would be. One funny story about my postpartum journey - I had no clue that night sweats were a thing for women postpartum. Right before Kaia was born, we got a new bed with these fancy new sheets. When Kaia was born, I was waking up drenched in sweat. I was literally drenched having to change my clothes multiple times a night and I was convinced that it was the new sheets. I would complain to, Jay about these awful sheets and how hot they were and that we needed new ones. Only to find out that it was just the night sweats, which by the way, are awful. Who knew... clearly not me :) Being a first time mom, having a baby was always going to be a big adjustment but I expected the "hard" to be the lack of sleep, the dirty nappies, the new way of life. That part of becoming a mom was actually a breeze, it was the postpartum recovery that was so hard for me. The tearing, restitching, long recovery, the hemorrhoids, the pain, the severe cramps while breastfeeding, the night sweats, engorged breasts, cracked nipples and the heavy emotions that come with it all. Those aspects are what made the fourth trimester so tricky for me. I am so privileged that I got to experience it all and that I am fortunate enough to have a child. I would do it all over again for the gift it gave me, BUT I do wish that we spoke more openly and honestly about postpartum and how hard it can be. I wish we normalized and educated women more and that there was more help and resources available for women in the fourth trimester. My postpartum experience has left me quite terrified for baby number two arriving in March and that is okay. I am going to try doing things differently and I believe that I am more prepared this time round. But if you struggled or are struggling postpartum, I just want you to know, you are not alone! Until next time. Toodeloo!